Goodbye and thank you 2013! It had been a great year with you. Hello 2014!!! Please give me your guidance for the days ahead.
As I looked back at 2013, it is neither a good year nor a bad year for me. At least its me that makes its bad. Ever since the demise of my beloved mum, I have sort of lost my aims and directions in life. I am not really serious in anything I do, and I tend to overthink things. I try my best not to be alone at home, as the quiet house makes my wondering mind more hyperactive but towards the wrong direction. I’ve also suffered from insomia and migraine, making me very tempermental and restless. Lost count of how many friends that I’ve angered due to this. Not forgetting the many stupid things that I had done. My brain is simply not working that well.
I also had a feeling that I do not deserve to have a good life. I seriously don’t understand how my brain can come up with this conclusion. But the fact that I am unable to provide a good life for my mum when she is still around forbids me from treating myself well. I’m not sure if its really a kind of self-torture as what my superior had said when I had a personal talk with her. She taught me to love myself more and that mummy would be happy in heaven too, cos all mummies wishes the best for their child. And to keep a picture of mummy and me at our happiest moment in my wallet , taking a look at it whenever I feel down. Mummy may not be here physically but she lives on forever in my heart. It sounds easy but trust me, doing it is not… ..
I wonder what 2014 had instore for me… …